Heart broken and Failure to Control emotion

Dear readers... This is my story and based on what I feel, experience and I gain from the incident... That is why I been silent for a long time. One of the factor is that I lack of new information because my mind already being block by my own feeling. I'm too emotional and can't control of it.
Let me see from the beginning... At first I try to convince myself to act cool by making it nothing happened to me. But my feeling always haunted by my own fear. The thing I fear the most in the relationship become the reality... without realizing it happened and I can't do anything but hope for everything will beck on the track again. But the more I do the worst will become. In the end things happened and the end of the story... How stupid I'm that time thinking I'm in the right track and nothing will happened. Because of that, I hurt a lot... I can't think, I can't feel alive and I don't have the point of living because I fell hopeless. The "hopeless" I bring it everyday and becoming zombie. Do as what people told and stop when it done. The next day I do the same routine. There is no point I share it to my friends and Facebook become my place to reveal all my pain... but in the end as I said it before... The more I do the worst it become. So I set my mind don't do anything and let it happened... "Que sera - sera" The drastic action I took to overcome my problem is by turning my self near to our creator, Jesus Christ Our savior. Yes I confess that when I'm in the relationship I always skip praying, neglect all His gospel and not going to the church. I learn a lot from it and I responsible from my action . So I took my first step by going to the church and ask forgiveness from God. At the same time I also looking the prayer book to guide my prayer and Thanks God, that time St. Ann having their parish sale. So I found the prayer book as what I want and keep praying by my self. But Oops... I didn't go for the MASS because I confuse with the time table... Sorry... hehehe Even though I don't expect from the outcome but what I get really realize me that nothing is permanent that the love of God to His disciple. From that day I feel much more relief and Thank God, some of my prayer being answered by Him. That's why I feel regret because I neglect Him when I'm in relationship and also forget asking for blessing... From that day I leave all my sorrow and burden to God to handle it and I just keep praying until I feel much relief. By that time also I feel much lonely. Lonely than being single. How frustrated I become when I had to fight with my own emotion and feeling. Sometime I feel this is the end of my time and I want to rest in peace. But again... Thanks God for hearing my prayer. Who am I today without You accompany me. I feel ashamed for what am I before and proud to me for what am I now knowing You. Being single after many years in relationship makes me also praying to have a new life and also partner... With the prayer I found someone. Someone that can guide me continuing this life and at the same time no more forget to praise to the God. Once Again thank God I found someone that I looking for... But not forgetting I also pray for my X so that she can get her new life, new happiness and new journey. May God Bless Us all... Never thinks twice but always think ahead beyond!